The Pink Flamingo :: Rape, Abuse, Perceptions, & Mothers

Today I am blogging lite. I’ve had a very strange day, escorting my god-daughter around town, taking her to lunch at a local eatery (non chain), then to her consult with Leroy as to her ‘make-over’. We were at the shop of one of my best friends, when a COLLECT call from her confessed pedophile father rang through on her cell. Knowing what I do of the situation, I told her not to answer, call her mother, and have her contact the DA. I watched a 14 year old girl who was having a fun day go from a teenager discussing the care and feeding of mothers (we had pulled a great joke on her earlier) to victim. It was though she were a blow up toy and someone had stuck a pin in her. All the life, light, and laughter was gone. I took her for some shoe therapy. It took a good half hour for the life to come back in her.

After returning her to her mother, two new pair of shoes, junk food, and ankle bracelet in hand, I went over to visit with my friend Alicia. (Sammi was playing tennis at the park. I am banned from acknowledging Sammi on the court due to my actions of the previous year – okay I humiliated her by blowing the horn, air horn, and cheering). I was telling Alicia how “R” wanted nothing “girly” but had to look and dress like a boy. I was a little concerned about gender identity until she found a pair of blingy black shoes with gold sequins then a flashy pair of black thongs with rhinestones. I realized something else was going on. She was still as girly as ever, only hiding her gender.

Alicia told me how ‘girly’ “R” had been two years ago. She also told how she had confronted several of the teachers she knew about the situation. Why had they done nothing? They basically had not cared – had violated every rule of keeping watch over children. It is possible at least 6 months of torture could have been prevented.

After shoe shopping and the obligatory Starbucks stop, “R” started telling me about the various stages of “Goth” and cutting. Her arms are not near as scarred as someone else I know. She admitted she cut because it was so painful she could forget her other pain for awhile. We discussed therapy. She admitted she was still cutting, which I knew because her mother caught it the other day. She was shocked when I told her she needed to make sure she was sterilizing what ever it was she was using!

That stopped her in her tracks. I told her it was obvious she was cutting for a reason. I knew about the dynamics of the problem because of a previous situation. I then told her she wasn’t going to stop until she’d had enough therapy. That shocked her. I then hit her head-on over drugs, booze, sex and the like. She said it was cutting she was into.

Cutting is something a teen does when they are hiding the pain. It is a statement about how severe the pain is. I am beginning to wonder if there isn’t a bi-polar connection with the syndrome. The only two instances of which I have personal knowledge are both some degree of bi-polar.

One thing lead to another today. I never would have noticed this Heather MacDonald atrocity if I’d not had this other experience today.

ANOTHER MACDONALD CRUELTY
I think Heather MacDonald is one of the most despicable writers on the scene today. Her “Campus Rape Myth” is another example of her complete lack of human decency, warmth, and understanding of the human situation.

“…The nation’s nearly 10 million female undergrads would need to take the most stringent safety precautions. Certainly, they would have to alter their sexual behavior radically to avoid falling prey to the rape epidemic. None of this crisis response occurs, of course—because the crisis doesn’t exist….”

Further, she wrote:

“…Federal law requires colleges to publish reported crimes affecting their students. The numbers of reported sexual assaults—the law does not require their confirmation—usually run under half a dozen a year on private campuses and maybe two to three times that at large public universities. You might think that having so few reports of sexual assault a year would be a point of pride; in fact, it’s a source of gall for students and administrators alike. Yale’s associate general counsel and vice president were clearly on the defensive when asked by the Yale alumni magazine in 2004 about Harvard’s higher numbers of reported assaults; the reporter might as well have been needling them about a Harvard-Yale football rout. “Harvard must have double-counted or included incidents not required by federal law,” groused the officials. The University of Virginia does not publish the number of its sexual-assault hearings because it is so low. “We’re reticent to publicize it when we have such a small ‘n’ number,” says Nicole Eramu, Virginia’s associate dean of students….”

There followed (on PJ Media) a huge uproar and give and take with another writer who disputed MacDonald’s “Christian & Conservative” findings that there is a culture of promiscuity, drunkenness, and female looseness that basically accounts for the whole problem. If women would behave themselves, they wouldn’t be raped. While I think we must take responsibility for our behavior, not every young woman who is raped is “asking for it”.

I made an interesting discovery today. There are times when young women in school do not report these rapes because they have been raped by the rich and powerful. If I’d not heard the story I heard today, I might be a little more skeptical, but not any more. In fact, the story I highlight from Beth at Blue Star Chronicles today is - a piece about Marcus Dixon (football hero) and the young woman he raped is a perfect example what someone I know has been through these past five years. He is a football hero, and will end up in the NFL. We all know the hell the young woman, Kristie Brown, has been through.

I can’t go into the details of the story, but the exemplary young woman who was raped was not drunk. She was not wild. She was a member of a Christian chastity group. She was not at a party. She was doing nothing wrong. She wasn’t even in the wrong place at the wrong time. She wasn’t asking for it. She was not promiscuous. She was brutally drugged and raped, not once but twice by the offspring of the rich and powerful.

There’s one other aspect of this story. I know for a fact, when I was attending Clemson, many years ago, rapes were covered up by the campus authorities. I think if MacDonald were to begin investigating the world outside her little protected circle, she would find this is not the exception. I think maybe not reporting the rape is the norm. I also think if you shake the ivy covered halls of most institutions of higher learning you might find hundreds if not thousands of cover-ups.

It’s like this, Ms MacDonald. Just because a woman is at a party, drunk, or promiscuous, she doesn’t need to be raped. She is not asking for it. I wonder what she would say about my 14 year old god-daughter who was molested by her father for a three year period. Was she asking for it?

THE OTHER VICTIMS
For years I've been saying my mother is more a victim of my experience than am I. I've survived and recovered. I'm find. My poor mother still is not. She still blames herself for taking me to that school. She blames herself for everything - and that is wrong. It has destroyed her health and well over half her life. I have recovered. I am a strong, outspoken person determined to fight for other victims. She - on the other hand...

Yesterday, when lunching with Chris, for the first time I literally forced my mother to interact with another victim's mother. I think it was probably the best that could possibly happen with her. I've watched Chris literally destroy her life over "R"'s molestation. Then I talked to my other friend today. These women need help. I think this evening I finally convinced my mother she needed to do something about it.