IT WILL DESTROY THE VICTIMS
Harold Hutchinson at Called As Seen and I rarely disagree. I do this time. Harold agrees with the proposal to execute pedophiles who molest children under the age of 12. Aside from the fact that I do not agree with the death penalty, the worst thing you can do to a victim of molestation is put the burden of execution on them. “…Patrick Kennedy, a 43-year-old black man from suburban New Orleans, has been sentenced to death after being convicted of raping his eight-year-old stepdaughter, identified in court papers only as “L.H.” He has contended since the assault occurred in March 1998 that it was committed by two neighborhood boys. His attorneys have said he refused to plead guilty when a deal was offered to spare him from a death sentence….”
We’ve spent the day hearing the Pope castigated because he has not done enough about pedophile priests. Have you heard about what goes on in the Southern Baptist Convention and their churches?
I completely understand Harold’s feelings about protecting his young nephews. When my niece, Rachel started to school, I panicked. I did not relax until my sister pulled her out of the first grade and began home schooling. When my youngest niece, Laura, finally graduated from high school last year, I breathed a sigh of relief. They were grown and would survive school unmolested.
When I revealed what I knew about my experience to my parents, my father made all sorts of threats against the former elementary school principal who molested me. I finally had to become hysterical one night trying to get him to understand he had to leave things alone and let me deal with them.
As an aunt I understand Harold’s desire to make sure his precious nephews are protected in every way possible. But – as a survivor of molestation I feel otherwise. I know this sounds strange, but this desire for ‘revenge punishment’ victimizes the survivor all over again. Living with the memories of what has happened are bad enough. Having to deal with the fact that the person who did it will be executed because of what they did is entirely too much to handle.
I was fortunate my molester was a complete stranger. But, what happens when the person who destroys an innocent child’s life is family? I think the looming threat of execution is even worse.
I’ve been going through the wringer this week with my friend Chris and her 14 year old daughter. The poor child is having problems enough dealing with 3 years of manipulations and rape. She is also dealing with the fact that her father constantly told her if she tells, her mother will call the cops, break up their family, and send him to prison where he will die. She finally had the courage to tell what happened, but he is still manipulating her, even from his cell. The poor child is suffering because SHE CAUSED him to go to prison for the rest of his life. That’s what he told her – SHE CAUSED IT. Now, add the possibility of that parent being executed and it would literally destroy her mind. She’s precarious enough. You put the knowledge that SHE CAUSED HER FATHER TO BE EXECUTED and it will literally kill her.
It doesn’t matter that we all know she did not cause it. But, you must understand molesters put this sort of guilt trip on their victims. That’s how they control them. The freak who molested me would prowl around my house at night, trying to break in, pounding on my windows, constantly freaking me out, leaving me screaming in terror. A child’s mind does not work like an adults. Add the mind games a pedophile plays, and execution is enough to forever destroy that fragile little psyche.
My friend’s child is barely holding on to her sanity (literally). After 3 years of rape at the hands of her “loving” father, it is going to be touch and go for her to even recover. The knowledge that her testimony would send her father to his death would send her on a path of destruction that would end in her death. It would literally destroy her soul.
It is rough enough getting a molested child to testify. Don’t make it worse by letting them know they will bring about that person’s death. Most pedophiles keep children in line by threats and rewards. There is a symbiotic Stockholm Syndrome that sometimes develops. The last thing a child needs is to know they were “responsible” for someone’s death. It will destroy them.
Trust me, I know.
Recovery is difficult enough. Twenty-five years of my life were literally stolen. Molestation robbed me of a family, children, and the ability to live a ‘normal’ life. There were some parts of my emotional development that literally stopped at the age of 8. When I would become stressed, that child, locked in a closet, in the dark, shivering in the cold, waiting to be killed, would surface, kicking and screaming in terror. Revenge isn’t the answer, healing is. They say a person isn’t completely healed until they are able to either confront their molester or something that holds those memories.
I was fortunate that the person who molested me was dead. Unfortunately I was unable to confront him. I avoid confrontation like the plague. Years later, after everyone knew what had happened to me, when I owed a business, I became friends with the woman who was the principal of that same school. One Thanksgiving a friend, who was a well known Native American artist, story-teller, and medicine man was visiting my gallery. My friend had arranged for him to speak at Fair Play school.
Ken forced me to drive him to the school. I was going to peel out of the drive when my friend Jane came out. She was followed by at least a dozen teachers, every one of them patrons of my gallery and friends. They literally forced me out of the car and into the school. Jane sat me down by her mother and made me sit there while Ken worked with the kids. When I made a move to bold, they refused to allow it. After Ken had finished, Jane and a few of the teachers forced me to walk through the whole school and then finally into the office where I had been molested. When Jane took over as principal she renovated the entire school, literally destroying the office. It was open, full of light, skylights and plants. The whole dreary building was painted bright white, with skylights and hanging baskets through-out the halls.
The efforts of my friends did more to help me recover than hours of therapy. (Oh, my former therapist was in on the whole thing. His wife showed up in the middle of the program, keeping an eye on me). Everyone was in on what they were going to do, but me. All of the vengeance, retribution, and prison terms in the world would not have done as much good.
Last night on O’Reilly, that really annoying E. D. Hill was his guest host. I don’t like that woman. I think she is a cold, know-nothing person engulfed in all the right ultra conservative buzz-words. She was all for executing pedophiles. One of the “experts” she was interviewing was an attorney who spoke about how a molested child’s mind was so damaged and so disturbed they were ruined for life. This heartless you know what assumed the best thing that could happen was to execute the pedophile. After all, the molested child was so damaged there wasn’t much left of them. (I’m serious).
Is this how victims of molestation are now going to be seen? Are we some sort of mentally disturbed freaks who can’t possibly live a normal life? Frankly, I think people like that do almost as much damage to a molested child as the pedophile did. They are victimized all over again.
The only way to recover, I think, is through Christ, and His healing. By that time, once you are filled with Christ and His love, the last thing you want is the added burden of knowing someone was executed because of what they did to you.
Please, have a little mercy on us. Don’t do this to us.
Instead…..
I think pedophiles should not be coddled or put in solitary. Tattoo a huge “P” all over their face, then release them into the general population of any given prison. Let nature take its course. It’s cheaper. They won’t last a week. It will save the tax-payer millions of dollars. The tattooed pedophile was die a horrible tortured death. That’s good enough for me.
If you think that’s the same as “execution” you are wrong. It is entirely different. It takes the stress off the molested child, and provides therapy for another imprisoned, formerly molested child.
Seriously, I truly believe the only real recovery comes when, through Christ, we learn how to forgive. Christ forgave those who executed Him. We must learn to forgive those who have stolen our innocence. I did not begin to recover until I learned how to forgive. Through that forgiveness I found peace. Through peace I found recovery.
Trackposted to Rosemary's Thoughts, The Random Yak, Wake Up America, Woman Honor Thyself, Maggie's Notebook, Blue Star Chronicles, Pirate's Cove, , Right Voices, and D equals S, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.
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