The Pink Flamingo :: People On-Line Do the Darndest Things

This morning I found a comment posted on The Pink Flamingo from one of my favorite bloggers. He warned me my post from yesterday evening could be misconstrued. I don’t think he knows how right he was. I think the final straw for me were a few bloggers who have been doing wholesale whole-sale copy and pasting of my entire postings, with a working link, but using the whole article. They are cited, but enough is enough.

The Internet can bring out the very best and the very worst of us. I’ve made some very good friends on-line. I’ve known people I thought were my friends but realized other-wise, far too late. I’ve leaned that my natural sarcasm doesn’t play well online, and that people online have a tendency to inflate themselves and give up what little sense of humor they ever possessed. During the past decade or so I’ve been online (it has to be longer than that because I was diagnosed with melanoma 11 years ago and was proficient online then) I’ve learned there is a certain sort of person who has a tendency to inflate their own egos and pad their resumes. When challenged they become vicious.

I’ve also discovered that people who have never seen someone face to face and probably never will have a tendency to go for the jugular. Otherwise mild mannered individuals become cruel and vicious. People who have very mediocre jobs (I’ve had more than a few in my lifetime) have a tendency to become so bloated with self-importance they consider anything a personal attack on their competency (probably because they have none).

Once people get online and have a just a small amount of success, they have a tendency to forget that everyday manners still need to apply. I will be the first to admit I am very terse in my email and don’t follow Miss Manners proper letter-writing form, but then I rarely do that in my bread & butter notes, either.   If I am going to be rude, you will know it. If I am going to cut a person, even on line, they will know it. I say what I think online and in reality. A few years ago I learned it does no good to threaten people online or give them a piece of my mind. I don’t have all that much to spare, as it is.

Several weeks ago I told someone I don’t take sides in arguments unless it is terribly important and a moral factor. I’ve been hurt too many times this way. I no longer get in certain contests that begin with a “P” because it just isn’t worth it. It takes time, and I just don’t have any to spare. After being in two rather serious relationships with men who were narcissistic bullies. I don’t do threats. I have a tendency, when threatened, to go the other way, rather like a stubborn mule. I don’t do my way or the highway. And frankly, NO ONE tells me what to do, think, or how to act (except my mother on rare occasions).   And, I don’t associate with narcissistic personality disorders unless they are family and then I stay away from them as much as possible.

Life is difficult enough dealing with family, close friends, and business associates who have personality quirks and disorders. I am not going to have those personality disorders rammed down my throat with online ‘relationships’. There are too many needy and insecure people I deal with on a daily basis now. I don’t need to deal with the same thing online.   It just isn’t worth it.

So, today the you know what (it’s still Lent) hit the fan. I still don’t know what I’ve done wrong. I do know I did not deserve to have the following sent to a few select sources:

“…I told Cindy she has a moral obligation to detach herself from activities that were harmful to ….. Why she didn't recognize that on her own is the real "mystery." If she had twice as much himility, (sic) she would ten times more effective. I've worked with Cindy on several online projects, but the costs are rapidly outweighing the benefits. She has a habit of insulting people who are her moral and political superiors….”

All I tried to do with this person is be a peace maker. I think the real problem is the fact that I would not do what this person wanted me to do. Like I told this person at the time, “I don’t take sides unless it is absolutely necessary.” When I do, you’d better think Wyatt Earp at the OK Corral. I also don’t take prisoners. Because I am a person with a temper when pushed, I walk away, quickly. I’ve learned territorial fights just aren’t worth it.

I'm still trying to figure out what I did to warrant such a put down. I think this person assumes I am part of something that I am not part of. The problem with the word ASSUME is it can be broken down to the following: ASS U ME

I sent a copy of the email to a very good friend, someone I have a tremendous amount of respect for. His reply:

“…Well, my speaking to you last week … helped me make a decision …, although I was leaning that way anyhow. Take that for whatever its worth, point being, so you give a shit what someone thinks. BE YOURSELF!...”

I am going to take James’ advice and be myself. I am sick and tired of people calling me liberal when I’m not. I don’t like hypocrites, and I’ve discovered a heck of a lot of conservatives are hypocrites right about now. I am a good, loyal Republican. I am also a decent person. I would never knowingly cause anyone pain. I am a moral person. I don’t like being pushed. I rarely push back, I just step aside and let the person doing the pushing fall flat on their face.

Before I close, I don’t like insulting people. But, like that great American Philosopher, “I calls ‘em as I sees ‘em.” If I’ve written something that may insult a few people, it is because they have earned it. BUT – I’ve had enough of two bit little twits taking up my entire afternoon because they envision insults were none were given. If you can’t act like an adult and deal with life like an adult – well, that’s your problem.

The bottom line – don’t let the Internet turn you into someone you aren’t. Just because we cannot see someone face to face is no reason to go around insulting or belittling them. It isn’t very helpful to anyone.

There is a moral to this story. Don't assume people are all that bright when you deal with them on-line. Be yourself. And try being decent to them. Treat them the way you want to be treated. And - don't assume they know what you are talking about. Don't jump to conclusions. And - don't be so paranoid or so self-important that you think they are out to get you. They aren't. You're not that important. People have lives with their own problems. They aren't trying to do you in - at all.